Author: Christel Humfrey

Christel is married to Clint, mother to three sons and serves as Women's Ministry Director for Calvary Grace Church.

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Ministry Spiritual Growth Suffering & Trials

Coming Alongside One Another—Encouraging the Fainthearted


These are notes from a recent talk given at Calvary Grace Church’s Women’s Brunch.

1 Thess 5:14 “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

It can be hard to know exactly how to help a sister who is struggling. It’s easy to say (or do) the wrong thing. Or simply say and do nothing because you don’t know what to say. 

Hurting people will tell you that a lot of well-intentioned people have said hurtful or insensitive things to them.

Ed Welch has an article on CCEF called “The Steady Stream of Foolish Words Said to Hurting People”. In it he lists 4 things we should not say when someone is suffering.

  • don’t give advice,
  • don’t try to solve the problem,
  • don’t say you are available any time but don’t offer concrete ways to help,
  • don’t try to show your empathy by talking about a similar situation in your own life, and so on. 

You may be wondering what it left to say then? This is the question that we will discuss today. 

Read 1 Thess. 5:12-14. Notice these things:

  • Final instructions to the church
  • They are instructed in vv 12-13 to respect the elders and esteem them highly because of their work
  • They are then commanded to come alongside one another and minister to each other in v 14
  • Three kinds of struggling Christians in v 14 that need our care: 
    • idle (unruly, undisciplined, not lining up with what God has for them
    • Fainthearted (discouraged, timid, anxious–perhaps in personality or because trials have been hard on them. 
    • Weak (likely moral and spiritual weakness, ie struggling with temptation, perhaps rattled by ongoing persecution–whatever the case, they are not mature in their faith) 

There are 3 different ways to help these 3 types of struggling Christians

  • Admonish the Idle 
  • Encourage the fainthearted
  • Help the weak “The verb for help (antechomai) presents a graphic picture of the support which the weak needed. It is as if Paul wrote to the stronger Christians: ‘Hold on to them’, ‘cling to them’, even ‘put your arm round’ them.”

Today we will focus on encouraging the fainthearted. This word “translates a compound of oligos (few, or little) and psuchē (life, or soul). It occurs only here in the New Testament….It may indicate a person who is “timid” as a personality trait or one who is “discouraged” at a particular turn of events.” 

This is a person who doesn’t feel courageous and full of faith. They may be going through an intense season of suffering and loss that has worn them down and caused them to become discouraged. They may be grieving. They may feel bruised or like their faith is barely there. Whatever the reason for their struggle, Paul says that these fainthearted Christians need our encouragement.

How do we encourage our fainthearted sisters? 

3 truths that our fainthearted sisters need to be reminded of.

1. Fainthearted Christians need to know God is with them. 

We can embody this truth by being physically there for our suffering friends, loving them well and listening compassionately as they tell us their struggles. Suffering people need to know that God is with them, not just in theory, but his presence is literally with them in each moment that they are suffering.  

The Psalmist says, (139)

“Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

12even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.”

This is important for the sufferer to know. There is no trial too deep or place too dark that God’s presence can’t penetrate. He is fully there with them in every moment, in every place.

It doesn’t matter if we feel like God is far away or if we feel like our faith is weak. God is “actually not far from each one of us, for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’ (Acts 17:27)

When people are suffering, God can feel very far from them. Our thoughts can become confused. Is God punishing me? Is He angry at me? Am I angry at him? Why doesn’t he help me? Doesn’t he care?

Our instinct is to turn away and hide our face from God until we get our emotions figured out, but suffering Christians need to know that they can go immediately to God for help and they will find it. God wants us to come to him–even with our angry, bitter and confused thoughts. 

He’s under no illusions about the degree of our sinfulness. He pursued us when we were his enemies. He knows the depths of your sinfulness better than you do, so you might as well talk to him about it. 

God will not turn his back on you when you are swamped by sinful emotions. Because Christ died for those sins. 

Jesus cried out on the cross, “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?” so that we would never have to. Christ bore God’s wrath for our sins on the cross so that our sin wouldn’t separate us from God.

Romans 8 tells us that we are spiritually joined to Christ so that there is literally nothing that can separate us from God’s love. 

Fainthearted Christians need to know that God is near to them in their suffering and even as they wrestle with their doubts. Because of Christ’s mediating work, they can (and should) bring those doubts and fears to God. Here, they will “receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb. 4:16). 

You don’t need a bold faith to approach God’s throne, you just need a genuine faith. You are not saved by the quality of your faith, but by the object–Clint. 

 “A weak hand can receive an expensive jewel” –Sibbes. We all have the same precious jewel of salvation. And that jewel is not diminished by the weakness of the hand that holds it.

So fainthearted Christians can freely go to God with their fears and doubts. Because of Christ, they have the same standing before God as the boldest Christian in the room.

When we are fainthearted, we may imagine there is distance between us and God. But there is none. He is right there with us in our worst trials and deepest fears.

2. Fainthearted Christians Need to Know that Christ Sympathizes with their weakness and will deal tenderly with them. 

Richard Sibbs talks about Christ’s ministry to suffering Christians in his book called The Bruised Reed. Based on Isaiah 42, he divides those who are suffering into two categories: bruised reeds and faintly burning wicks. 

Behold my servant, whom I uphold,    

my chosen, in whom my soul delights;

I have put my Spirit upon him;

    he will bring forth justice to the nations.

2 

He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,

    or make it heard in the street;

3 

a bruised reed he will not break,

    and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;

    he will faithfully bring forth justice.

This servant —who we know is the Christ—comes to bring forth justice to the nations. And in the midst of his mission, the text says he deals tenderly with bruised reeds and faintly burning wicks.

Who are these wicks and reeds?

Bruised Reeds are being disciplined through trials. They are feeling bruised,  beaten down and weary. Faintly burning wicks are doubting Christians, perhaps struggling with assurance or anxiety. They feel timid in their faith. Their faith is there, it is not extinguished, but it’s small.  

When we are in a season of suffering, it’s easy to imagine that Christ grows tired of hearing our woes. I think we base this assumption largely on our own experience with struggling people. We might feel impatient with our children or someone in the church whose faith is barely there. We may feel exasperated. Why are they still struggling with this? Why haven’t they moved past it? We may be harsh and judgemental toward people who are in a season of bruising and faintheartedness. But Christ isn’t.

a bruised reed he will not break,

    and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;

We know that faintheartedness is not an end in itself. It is not something that a Christian should be content to stay in. God has something better for us. Faintheartedness is a symptom of the flesh at work. It is opposed to the Spirit, not something to glory in (Rom 6–What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?). We know that we are not meant to be faint-hearted Christians. However, there are seasons of life where weakness is a reality. So it’s important that we talk about it.

When Is. 42 talks about the “smoking flax” and “bruised reed”, these are descriptions of believers. When 1 Thess. 5:14 talks about the “fainthearted” in the church who need encouragement, we know that there are those among us who identify with this description. It’s important that we don’t shame fainthearted Christians into silence. 

If you are a “faintly-burning wick” here this morning, you need to know that there is hope for you, that Christ ministers to you tenderly to you and the church is here to support you.

It’s frustrating to be plagued by doubts and fears. It’s unpleasant and discouraging. But if this you, remember, that Christ will not grow impatient with you. He will not quench your faith altogether. And he will not break you if you are feeling brittle and bruised. 

Christianity is like no other religion in that you don’t have to earn God’s favour. This Suffering Servant died for our sins and rose again. He is completely unique in that he is able to sympathize with our weakness because he took on flesh. (Heb. 4:14-16) He felt every temptation we do, although he was without sin. 

He is God’s Son, 

he is the sacrifice for our sin and he is our high priest who makes intercession for us and sympathizes with us in our weakness. No other god is like him. 

If you are fainthearted here this morning, think of the advocate you have in Jesus Christ! 

Remember, “A weak hand can receive an expensive jewel”. If you have Christ, you have everything. You have access to God’s presence and every spiritual resource in Jesus Christ. Your compassionate high priest is praying for you even now.

3. Fainthearted Christians need to be reminded of God’s promises.

When I was first diagnosed with lupus, I remember feeling scared and grieving the loss of what I considered to be a normal life. And my grandmother encouraged me with God’s promise in Isaiah 41:10. She said it was a lifeline for her when she was going through her cancer treatment.

fear not, for I am with you;

    be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Notice how God motivates fearful believers to move forward in faith.. He doesn’t say “enough already, get your act together!”. He gives 5 compelling reasons based on His provision for us. 

  • I am with you
  • I am your God
  • I will strengthen you
  • I will help you
  • I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

This is such good news for fainthearted Christians. And it gives us a clue as to how we should encourage our fainthearted sisters. They need to know that—even though they may feel like a faintly-burning-wick, they can move forward in faith because God will provide what they need.

Sometimes we feel like God’s expectations for us are larger than our actual capabilities. But God always gives us the grace to do what He requires of us. When we are fainthearted it’s easy to feel defeated by all the ways that we fail rather than feeling hopeful that God will provide what he requires of us today.  We need a shift in perspective so that we can stop fixating on our own inability to cope and instead, rest in God’s future grace toward us.

Sibbes says, “He requires no more than he gives, but gives what he requires, and accepts what he gives”.  

In other words, God doesn’t require more from you than he enables you to do. 

And what’s more…whatever you do in reliance on him, he accepts. And He is pleased with it.

Doesn’t that take the pressure off? If you are a fainthearted Christian here this morning, remember you can keep moving forward in faith—not because you are strong—but because God is strong. And he is with you and fights for you. 

Some other promises to consider:

Is. 43:1 “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Ex. 14 And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. 14The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

These promises are all based on God’s ability and His care for us. Fainthearted Christians have very little life in them. They don’t have the gumption, the strength or the resources within themselves to get their life together. 

What they do have is a strong, compassionate God. And our faintheartedness is almost a blessing in disguise because it teaches us to rely on His strength, not our own. 

When someone is in a state of anxiety, depression or faintheartedness, they will struggle to act because their feelings are so unruly. They can do all of the things: get a good night’s sleep, pray, read their bible…and still these dysfunctional emotions may barely diminish. It’s freeing for a fainthearted person to know that they don’t have to feel in control before they step forward in faith. Rather they step forward in faith because God will provide everything they need that day AND he will accept what he provides. 

4. Faint-hearted Christians need the example of other Christians who continue to press on toward the goal. 

  • Heb. 12 talks about the painful necessity of discipline in a Christian’s life. The author encourages the Hebrews to not become weary when God disciplines them. He reminds them that God disciplines his children because he loves them and it “yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
  • Then he says, “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.”( Heb 12:12)  
  • The whole church is like a body. 
  • Think of a woman’s experience giving birth: big head, displaced tailbone, can’t stand straight, one thing out of line throws off the rest of the body. Having neck pain may be because your hip is out of line. Everything is connected in the human body.
  • Notice the whole church is to “lift drooping hands” and “strengthen your weak knees” and “make straight paths for their feet” Why? So that what is lame (read: despondent) will not be put out of joint, but be healed. 
  • “The reference to drooping hands and weak knees is familiar imagery in Jewish literature, often used to describe attitudes of discouragement and despair. Here the writer…urges these believers to press on to the goal so that those members of the church who have become despondent (lame) will notice their good example, receive fresh courage and begin to march again rather than fall even further behind. …But if healing is to come, it is not simply the responsibility of the leaders, tireless pastors though they are (13:17), but of every single member.

When the whole church presses on in faith, the lame part of the body begins to heal.  

  • When a fainthearted Christian comes to church on Sunday and is surrounded by people singing praises to God, that encourages her faith and helps her to heal.
  • When a fainthearted Christian sees you trusting Christ through your trials and hardships, that encourages her faith and helps her to heal.
  • When a fainthearted Christian knows you are praying for her and trusting that God will fight for her, that encourages her faith and helps her to heal.
  • When you keep speaking truth to her with patience and gentleness, that helps her to heal.

Sometimes we think, “I’m just one person, what can I do?”. But it’s the cumulative effect. When each member is striving to be faithful, the lame members are enveloped in testimonies of God’s faithfulness. They are surrounded by love, encouragement and good godly counsel. 

Fainthearted Christians will naturally want to avoid fellowship because it sort of exposes how much they are floundering. There is an unflattering contrast between the expansive faith of others and their own faintly burning wick.  

If you are fainthearted today, it is really encouraging that you are here. It takes a lot to get yourself to church and meet with other Christians. But the church is God’s gift to you, to help you heal. It protects you from going out of joint and helps you to line up again with what is healthy and good for you. 

You can help your fainthearted friends by making it as easy as possible for them to get to church and other community gatherings. Pick them up, find babysitting for their kids, etc..

Applications:

Nancie Guthrie (What Grieving People Wish You Knew About What Really Helps and What Really Hurts).–put a survey up on her website that asked grieving people wish others understood about grief. Here’s what they said:

4 things grieving people wish you knew

Here are Guthrie’s four things:

  1. How much it means for you to just show up and say something. Grief is lonely. There probably isn’t a perfect thing to say. You can’t fix the situation. Just being there (and maybe helping out a bit) helps.
  1. They don’t want to hear stories about someone else’s loss. Or your own loss. It diminishes their experience. IT takes the focus off of the grieving person and puts it on someone else. We’re trying to relate to them, but it can come across as “Your loss shouldn’t hurt so much because a lot of people have had that experience.”
  1. They want to talk about the person who they lost. Bring up the person. Use their name. You won’t make them cry, you may allow them to release some tears. They are always thinking about it in the background. 
  1. They need time and space to simply be sad. Don’t try to rush them or fix it.When you talk with people about heaven, don’t expect that it makes everything okay

If you have someone in your life who is fainthearted. Remember it’s not your job to fix them. You just need to be there for them. If they are grieving, grieve with them. Help them in practical ways. If they are anxious about the future, encourage them with God’s promises, his nearness to them and Christ’s compassionate intercession for them. 

As Paul says in 1 Thess. 5 “Be Patient with them all”. Fainthearted-ness is not a quick-fix scenario. It requires time and patience on our part. They need help and support over the long haul.

Make it as easy as possible for them to come to church and meet with God’s people so that they are surrounded by love, encouragement and good godly counsel. If that’s not possible, maybe offer to communicate with the church on their behalf so that they can be as integrated into body-life as possible. 

One of the best things we can do for our fainthearted friends is to pray for them and believe that God is able to restore to them the joy of their salvation. (Ps. 51).

Resources Consulted:

  • Commentaries:
    • John Stott
    • Raymond Brown
    • D. Michael Martin
  • Websites
    • Ed Welch
    • Nancy Guthrie
  • Books
    • Richard Sibbes
Categories
Christel Family

Four things moms of young children should remember

People joke that there is something in the water at my church. Someone is always pregnant. And it’s not crazy to assume that for every one pregnancy you see there are 3 more you don’t know about. I’m surrounded by new moms all the time. As someone who still has a lot to learn about parenting, I’m hesitant to hand out too much advice. But I also know that I’ve been helped tremendously from the encouragement of moms who are just a little further ahead of me in this journey. So for my mama friends with young children, here are four things I want you to know.

1. You don’t have to keep someone else’s standards.

When I talk to new moms, I feel exhausted for them. There are so many decisions about diapering, feeding, sleeping, discipline, diet, screen time, education, etc. And many of these decisions have to be made in a sleep-deprived state of new motherhood. Most moms I talk to want the best for their child and worry they will somehow put their child at a disadvantage if they make the wrong decision.

Depending on who is in your circle of friends, the standards for “doing it right” can be high. 

If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her that it’s okay to be “good enough”. If your child is in a context of love, and you are making the best decisions you can with the information you have, it’s enough. I’d even go further and say it’s okay to do a mediocre job of parenting some days. When you’ve reached your breaking point sometimes the whole family is helped by an episode (or five) of Dora and Diego. Rest up and try again tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning.

God didn’t make you like other mothers. You and your husband make decisions for your children before God and no one else. He gave you the children that He wanted you to have and wrote your disposition and capacity in your DNA. He places no burden on you to live up to other people’s standards and preferences. Instead, he desires you to trust Him. He will provide the grace that you need to parent your little ones today. 

2. Your kids don’t have to be like other kids.

It’s super annoying when your friend’s kid can recite their ABC sounds at 18 months and yours can barely say “Dada”. It’s also annoying when your kid is doing bum-scoots across the church lobby and their BFF is literally running circles around them while catching a football. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her to relax. Ten years from now you won’t be able to tell the difference between early-starters and late-starters. 

I would also tell her to absolutely positively scrap the early potty training. It is so much work for parents and kids are totally fine with having soiled pants. (I may or may not have told my youngest repeatedly to go in his diaper because I wasn’t ready to potty train him.) Guess what, in the end he got potty trained. And no, he’s not scarred for life. 

Other mothers can be a tremendous support and encouragement for you. (How else are you supposed to learn about resources like the Letter Factory video and warm compresses for clogged milk ducts.) But it’s also important to remember that just because your friend’s child is learning Latin for toddlers, doesn’t mean you have to scramble to catch up.

You have the freedom to pick activities, routines and pursuits that fit with your family rhythm and preferences. It can be character-building for kids (and their parents) to be second best. It’s less important to impress the world than it is to please God.

3. Physically, your life is about to get a lot easier.

I read somewhere about the golden years of parenting (ages 6-12). And guess what, they weren’t lying. Kids this age can get themselves breakfast and buckle their seatbelts. The can puke into a bowl and engage in interesting conversations. They’ve moved past toddler tantrums and not yet reached teenage meltdowns. Imagine sleeping through the night and drinking your coffee while it’s warm. This will be you in a few years.

4. Your conversations are about to get harder.

It’s so important for moms to take time to keep developing as a person. Not only for their own sake, but also for the sake of their children. You see, something shifts as the children get older. Mothering isn’t as much about caring for our children’s physical needs (although they still require food, clothes and kisses!). But the primary emphasis of parenting shifts to character development, decision making and moral dilemmas. Conversations turn to spiritual matters, playground dynamics and understanding the world. We suddenly have to engage with our kids in a thoughtful, nuanced manner and help them understand the world from a biblical perspective. This is hard to do unless we are also growing spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. 

I read once that the primary reason young people fall away from the faith is because their parents seemed irrelevant and out-of-touch with the real world. I’m not overly worried about this because salvation belongs to the Lord, not to me. I don’t have to bear the weight of saving my kids. But I still think there is something to be said for genuine, thoughtful interactions with the world we live in. We don’t retreat in fear, but engage with hope because we’ve tasted “the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge” (Ephes. 3:19).

I have a growing hunch that kids benefit from seeing their parents try new things, and struggle, and grow as people. Kids need to know they are loved and prioritized by their parents, but as strange as it sounds, I don’t think that they actually want it to be all about them. They also need examples of adulthood that inspire them. Moms don’t have to be spiritual superstars, but when we grow in maturity, we will be better equipped to help our kids grow into adulthood.

This post appeared originally at The Gospel Coalition Canada as Dear Mom With Young Children

Categories
Christel Family Spiritual Growth Suffering & Trials

Can I release my sons into God’s divine care?

I am starting to realize the trials that my boys will face in this life.

At some point, maybe sooner rather then later, they will endure mocking and name-calling from their peers. If they choose to follow Jesus they will face even greater opposition. Maybe they will go off to war or be missionaries in a hostile country. The difficult part for me is that I won’t always be there to help them. For that matter, I may not be capable of helping them.

I remember how things were a few years ago when my sons were a lot younger. One time we were walking back to our vehicle after dining out and a drunk man started talking to my boys. Afterward, my oldest said, “He sounded like he was speaking funny. Maybe he is from somewhere else.” My middle boy commented, “He was speaking nice words.” The innocence of their words, however lovely and generous, made my defences come up a bit. I said, “When you are with Mom and Dad you can be friendly and say hello to everyone. If you are ever by yourself, don’t talk to strangers.”

“Why can we talk to strangers when you are around?”

“Because I would protect you if there was a bad person.”

One of my boys, who will remain nameless, laughed out loud. He couldn’t help himself. He could barely speak, he thought I was telling a good joke.

“What could YOU do to defend us?”

Thankfully, my darling husband came to the rescue of my wounded pride.

“Oh, if Momma got upset she would be a force to be reckoned with!”

We all had a good laugh at this, but there was truth to my son’s words. I cannot be their ultimate lifelong defender. I cannot pave the road for them and smooth every bump. I cannot stop every bad thing from ever happening to them.

There is only one who calms the waves and stops the storms. There is only one who sees and knows all things at all times. He is the one who orchestrates all things for the good of those who love Him, however painful they may be.

Can I release my sons into his divine care? Will he not pry my fingers open anyway? I have a choice between fear and trust. How can I not trust in him? He can never fail. He will never forsake. His sufficiency is much greater than my own.

Categories
Canada Christel Family Gospel Spiritual Growth

How To Choose Books for Children

Gone are the days of nursery rhymes and picture books. My children now gravitate toward young adult fiction. They aren’t content with predictable plot lines or childlike themes. They want complex, intriguing plot lines with older, and therefore, more interesting characters. And while I’m glad their tastes are maturing, it felt like we were stepping out of the splash pool of preschool literacy into a vast ocean of divergent worldviews.

Some books are an obvious “no” and others are certified place-keepers on Christian bookshelves everywhere. But the vast majority of books fall somewhere in between. After some research, soul-searching and advice-seeking from smarter and better parents than me, I’ve found a way forward. If you are struggling to pick out good books for your children, here are 8 questions you may want to consider.

Is It a Good, Well-written Story?

As a parent, it’s tempting to choose a “safe” story over an excellent one, but children instinctively reject books that come across as preachy and condescending (not unlike adults!). By contrast a really good book immerses the child into the story. They feel the exhilaration of adventure and experience the camaraderie of overcoming with unexpected heroes. New combinations of words begin to form in their mind and they learn to express themselves in new and articulate ways.

Does This Book Help My Child to Empathize with Someone They Would Have Otherwise Felt no Affinity with?

In Canada, many cities are diverse and multicultural. Toronto is said to have half of its population born outside of Canada, and yet stories of ostracism, racism and bullying still abound. Story can be a powerful means of helping children understand and value other cultures.

God’s kingdom is not limited by nationality, class or gender (Gal. 3:28). It transcends all boundaries and so should our love and compassion. A good book allows children to identify with others through shared experience.

Does This Book Spark My Child’s Interest in History, Culture Or Science?

Famous children’s educator, Charlotte Mason, wrote, “The question is not, — how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education — but how much does he care?”

Quality literature can teach in a way that a dry textbook never can. Facts memorized for a test tend to be forgotten, but the things we learn from story come alive and stay with us long after the last page is read.

Will My Child Learn about Moral Courage?

We must explicitly “train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6), but like so many things, integrity is often caught, not taught.

Children learn quickly that doing the right thing will cost them something–whether it be social status, comfort, or other privileges. Good stories allow children to experience these moral crisis points vicariously through the characters in their story. It’s almost like practise for real-life or learning moral courage by osmosis. A compelling protagonist inspires children in ways that simple explanations sometimes fail to do.

Will They Learn through Story That Sin Has Consequences?

It’s no secret that certain stories glamourize sin. The cool kids are slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, etc. (Rom. 1:30), but the bible clearly teaches that the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23). Stories that propagate a superficial understanding of sin do not serve our children, but a story that exposes sin’s consequences may do a world of good, especially if it is followed by themes of redemption and forgiveness that mirror God’s grace in the gospel (1 John 1:9).

Does This Book Teach My Child That Authority Is Valuable in Its Proper Context?

Many children’s books teach children to be suspicious of authority. Teachers, parents and other authority figures are evil, egomaniacs or just plain dumb. While we don’t want our children to blindly follow authority, especially when it is corrupt, we do want them to understand that authority is God’s idea and therefore good (Romans 13:1-7). For example, obedience to parents will (in principle) result in a better quality of life (Ephes. 6:1-4). Government and police will restrain the depravity, disorder and injustice that happens when everyone does “what is right in their own eyes” (Judges 21:25) And for the sake of their eternal soul they must understand the importance of submitting to God’s authority and humbling themselves under His mighty hand (1 Pet. 5:6).

Will This Book Cause This Particular Child to Stumble?

On questionable “grey issue” books, wiser parents have advised me to know my child’s propensities. Will this book encourage my particular child to sin in areas where they are weak, or is this an issue of low concern when it comes to temptation? While a book may be appropriate for one child to read at 10, another child may need to wait until they are 12.

Does This Expand My Child’s Ability to Comprehend the Incomprehensible?

Myth and fairy-tales can be helpful here. C.S. Lewis writes that when a child reads about a “fairy land” it “arouses a longing for he knows not what. It stirs and troubles him (to his life-long enrichment) with the dim sense of something beyond his reach and, far from dulling or emptying the actual world, gives it a new dimension of depth. He does not despise real woods because he has read of enchanted woods: the reading makes all real woods a little enchanted. This is a special kind of longing.”

When we consider the supernatural nature of God’s world, fairytales begin to look more realistic. That is to say, they expand our imagination so that we can begin to grasp the wonder of a God who supernaturally breaks into our world to save those who are lost.

Story is powerful, and while we must be cautious of the destructive nature of some literature, mining the depths of a good story is worth every effort. While books have no power in and of themselves to save our children, they have great potential to enrich the soul, build character, inspire, expand the imagination and most importantly, provide fertile soil for gospel seeds grow.

A version of this article appeared at The Gospel Coalition Canada

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Christel Gospel Spiritual Growth

Fixing Our Propriety Radar

My culture tells me that my words are all about myself and that I have a right to express myself. But more is required of a Christian. We need to be aware of the power of our words to affect other people.

Sometimes I wonder if my generation has lost the ability to discern what is appropriate in conversation. We often display a surprising lack of savvy concerning how to speak in a way that “fits the occasion” as it says in Ephesians 4:29.

It’s like our propriety radar got scrambled with the rise of Facebook.  


There are certain words that are private and other words that are public. I cringe to think of the times that I have said inappropriate things to a large number of people. These same things would have been appropriate if I was speaking with only one or two close friends, but they were not helpful or wise in the larger context. Private words in a public context are not modest. They are at best attention-getting and at worst injurious because others are almost always implicated in our personal lives.


Humble Words


I’ve always loved this observation by C.S. Lewis. He describes the demeanour and words of a humble person in his book Mere Christianity:

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

Mere Christianity

According to Lewis, humble people are aware of their flaws, but they do not constantly speak of them because they are not constantly thinking about themselves. They are content with their life and eager to take an interest in others. 
Of course, we need people we can talk to when going through struggles and difficulty. People with whom we can be transparent and raw. Intimate friends, a pastor, a spouse or a counsellor can be helpful in these situations. But if the majority of our words are speaking of ourselves, we are missing the point of words. We are missing great opportunities to bless other people.

This can especially be a problem if we need other people to affirm us and approve of our choices. If we find our self-worth in other people’s opinions of us, we will always be self-absorbed in our conversations. 

This craving for approval can only be satisfied in God’s redeeming love for us. When we find our security and worth in Him our words cease to be controlled by other people’s opinions, and we are freed to take a genuine interest in others.

The Responsibility of Words

Words affect other people. They have the power to build up or to tear down. They can burn down a forest or plant new seeds of hope.

I feel like I am still learning how to use my words. It takes time and effort to learn how to bless, strengthen and build others up. Thankfully, we don’t need to be charming and witty for God to use us. For those of us who often feel inadequate and “slow of speech” like Moses, we need to remember what God told him:

 “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”

Exodus 4:11

I am so thankful for treasured friends who have been gracious to me when I have spoken selfish and rash words. I am equally thankful for their generous, grace-giving words. I have often been blessed by the God-honouring words of brothers and sisters in Christ.

unsplash-logoPriscilla Du Preez

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Christel Gospel Home & Health Marriage Spiritual Growth

The Power of Words

“no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison…From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” ~ James 3:8, 10

I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately. I have often underestimated the impact of my words. I have also underestimated the longevity of my words.

Once you say them, you can never un-say them.

How often have I spoken without thinking through the implications of my words? How often have I been so short-sighted in the moment that I failed to see how my words would affect the reputation of another. 

The glory of having something interesting to say overshadows my concern for others– both those with whom I am speaking and also those rarely remembered second and third-hand hearers.

Words are so easy to speak. They are such a little thing in the moment. But a few seconds worth of words can set in motion horrific consequences. Maybe that’s why the apostle James compares the tongue to a small rudder that guides a huge ship or a small spark that sets a forest ablaze. 

What Our Words Say About Us

Our words are an expression of our hearts. People perceive things about us by what we say. These words divulge our pride, our prejudices, and our insecurities. They expose what we value, what we love and what we crave. 

It is tempting to be duplicitous.  To speak in a way that is contrary to our heart’s true feelings because we think it is what others want to hear. This is not admirable or sustainable.

But because of the indelible nature of words, a motive-searching moment before speaking is invaluable. 

Words that Give Grace

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Ephesians 4:29

A Christian’s words should have a purpose. They should be intentional, thoughtful and strategic. They should be words of healing, kindness, and encouragement. They should seek to “give grace to those who hear.” This may be as simple as engaging in small talk or as complex as counselling a person through a major life crisis. The intention is the same: to genuinely seek the other’s good and to draw their attention to the God who saves. 

Even corrective words can be done with gentleness, respect and humility. I love this example of Winston Churchill being confronted by his wife, Clementine. It’s an excerpt from a letter found in Speaking for Themselves: The Personal Letters of Winston and Clementine Churchill. The manner of Clementine’s rebuke is so loving and respectful that you know she is doing it wholly because she cares about his well being. She says:

I hope you will forgive me if I tell you something that I feel you ought to know. One of the men in your entourage – a devoted friend – has been to me & told me that there is a danger of your being generally disliked by your colleagues and subordinates because of your rough sarcastic and overbearing manner…I was astonished and upset because in all these years I have been accustomed to all those who have worked with & under you, loving you – I said this, & I was told ‘No doubt it’s the strain.’ My darling Winston – I must confess that I have noticed a deterioration in your manner & you are not so kind as you used to be…with this terrific power [as Prime Minister] you must combine urbanity, kindness and if possible Olympic calm…Besides you won’t get the best results by irascibility and rudeness…Please forgive your loving devoted and watchful – Clemmie.

Speaking for Themselves: The Personal Letters of Winston and Clementine Churchill

Grace-giving words have the power to bring about change. How different would our conversations be if we felt that it was our responsibility to bless others?

unsplash-logoBrett Jordan

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Christel Home & Health Spiritual Growth Suffering & Trials

Getting Older: Humiliation and Hope

Lately, I’ve been thinking about finishing well.
I sometimes wonder whether my mind or my body will break down first. I think about the frustration of going from competency to helplessness. What will it be like to have my independence taken away from me? Someday I will no longer be able to drive or live on my own. I may not be able to dress or bath myself. I wonder if I will have the humility to laugh or if I will feel degraded. I recently saw an older person stumble and spill their coffee on their pants and someone’s floor, and feel humiliated. We will all experience this someday.
I think about having loved ones die and being alone. I once heard a widow recount how she was no longer included in certain social events after her husband died because tables were set for an even number, and couples like to hang out with other couples.

The Temptation of Bitterness

I wonder how difficult it will be to journey through old age. Why do some people finish so well, and others act with such ugliness. Some are kind, joyful, and contented even though their life is far more difficult then it was in younger years. Others seem bitter, selfish, and demanding, like they are owed something and not getting their due.
I imagine it is tempting to think, ‘Is this it? Is it all over? Isn’t there supposed to be some payoff for all the things I’ve accomplished in my life?’
I’m sure that the difficulties of old age will exacerbate my sinful tendencies. It’s easy to be a good person when your life is great, but it’s far harder to put sin to death when life is difficult.

Being Forgotten

The elderly are somewhat forgotten in our world. Their spotlight stolen by the young and upcoming. I am convicted that I desire far too much attention from other people. In the words of Robert Murray McCheyne, “I need to be made willing to be forgotten.” If my identity is in Christ alone, then even in my loneliest times, it will be enough. How is it possible that I am loved by the God of the universe–intimately, unconditionally–because of Jesus’ work on my behalf? This truth makes me hopeful.

The Last Chapter

As I contemplate these things, what gives me the greatest hope is this: old age is not the final chapter in life. There is eternity after that. And that is when the payoff comes for those who trust in Jesus for salvation. When our broken, decaying bodies will be made whole again. All that is crooked and wrong in the world will be gone and the beauty of our Saviour will be before our eyes night and day. “In Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).

Final Thoughts

As I contemplate further, I wonder why I assume that I will live into old age anyway? Perhaps I will see my Saviour sooner than I think.
Maybe this all seems a little morbid. I do realize that there is no surer way to make good company uncomfortable than to talk about death. But I wonder if we too often live in a world where sin does not exist and death does not happen. That’s a false reality. But the hope of heaven is truer than we can imagine.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Cor 3:18

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unsplash-logoCristian Newman

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Christel Family Home & Health Spiritual Growth

An Invisibly Productive Day

I’ve been thinking through my priorities. I took pen to paper and made a list. Suddenly, I had an epiphany. I was struggling to feel like I was getting things done because the top priorities on my list required invisible work. This meant that if I spent the majority of my time doing the things that were most important to me, I would not see immediate results. I was beginning to see my need to embrace delayed gratification.  

Visible Work

There is something so satisfying about organizing my home, gardening, cutting my son’s hair, painting the bathroom and making a beautiful meal. This kind of work is visible. At the end of the day, there are results that are pleasing to me and to others. This is good work. Satisfying work.

But there is another kind of work that is sometimes not as immediately satisfying. This work does not always give immediate results. It requires me to be intentional and self-disciplined. The work I am speaking of is the work of relationships.

It seems like most women I know, myself included, choose to prioritize the visual kind of work. It is important for us to know that our life is a well-ordered smooth-sailing ship. Being well-organized and hard-working are good things. But here is the crunch: if our life is jam-packed full of visibly good work, what has happened to our relational work? Most likely it has been neglected.

Invisible Work

The fact is that good, healthy relationships require time, energy and effort and our visible work may have to take a backseat to it at times.

There is wisdom to leaving those crunchy Cheerios on the floor and instead spending 20 minutes of quiet, unhurried communion with my God. 

There is wisdom in an afternoon spent playing, talking and hanging out with my boys instead of cleaning the storage room.

There is wisdom in dropping a project for long enough to really see my husband, to hear what he is saying and to engage him with warmth and affection.

When I lay my head down on my pillow tonight I may have a crunchy floor, a disorganized storage room and some half-finished projects, but maybe I’ve done something of worth. Maybe I can close my eyes and thank God that I’ve had an invisibly productive day.

unsplash-logoPriscilla Du Preez

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Christel Home & Health Spiritual Growth Suffering & Trials

Broken Jars and the Weight of Glory

Like you, we have often asked the question, “Why, Lord? What are you trying to teach us? What are we supposed to be learning from these trials?” But we know the answer.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us…” (2 Cor. 4:7)

“Jars of clay” is a description slightly unflattering, but very true. It seems the more I long to be invincible, the brighter my frailty is put on display.

I remember a trip with my boys when we strolled through a graveyard (I know, it’s kind of morbid). We read the gravestones and patched together pieces of lives past–war heroes, children, cowboys, mothers and more–whole families buried together. Once vibrant and alive, now turned again to dust.

Ironically, I was struck by hope because the One with “surpassing power” gives life to ashes.

When the God-Man, Jesus Christ, came into our world to redeem the lost, new life broke into our dying world. My “jar of clay” is being renewed from the inside out. I feel the pain of sin and it’s consequences, but each stroke against me corresponds to a renewal inside of me. A renewal begun and sustained by the Almighty.

I know that there is glory in my future. Glory that is weighty. Glory that is eternal. Glory that is beyond comparison. With each small affliction we are being prepared for it. As the Apostle Paul says:

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18)

The other night as Clint was drifting off to sleep, I suddenly had a very pressing theological question for him. (I seem to do this to him far too often…but then again I have to take advantage of the perks of being married to a pastor!) He graciously woke himself up and spoke with me about what it means for God’s glory to have weight. I wondered if God was resting too weightlessly on me. But if God’s glory truly has weight to it, it should press down on us. We should feel affected by it. This is a glory that demands our attention and fills us with delight.  It takes effort to seek God’s face, but those who behold it agree that there is no earthly comparison. And as Pastor John Piper says, “beholding is becoming.” (cf. 2 Cor. 3:18)

I don’t enjoy difficulties or love affliction, but I have confidence in God’s promises for the future. If each affliction renews and prepares me for His glory, I cannot long for an easy life. If nothing else, this difficult year has taught me something about finding pleasure and joy not through ease of life, but in the face of Jesus Christ–the only One that completely satisfies.

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Christel Church Home & Health Spiritual Growth Suffering & Trials

Advice for Struggling Church Members

Many dear friends have difficulties in their lives that don’t make for good small talk. They feel about as useful to the church as a clock without batteries. And the fact that they make it out to church at all is God’s grace.

It’s tempting to retreat from people in these times, but we must keep coming back because God warns us against quitting fellowship (Heb. 10:25). The opposite of our instinct is what we really need most, and when it comes down to it, our trials are not always about us. Sometimes we go through them for the sake of others.

The Importance of Struggling Church Members

The Apostle Paul describes the church as a living body whose head is Christ. Each individual is an essential part. Some parts of the body appear weaker or less visible and we are tempted to view them as less important. But Paul confronts this misconception in 1 Cor. 12:20-22:

…THERE ARE MANY PARTS, YET ONE BODY. THE EYE CANNOT SAY TO THE HAND, “I HAVE NO NEED OF YOU,” NOR AGAIN THE HEAD TO THE FEET, “I HAVE NO NEED OF YOU.” ON THE CONTRARY, THE PARTS OF THE BODY THAT SEEM TO BE WEAKER ARE INDISPENSABLE…

Against all logic, the weaker ones are “indispensable” to the church. When circumstances cripple you, your ministry may be smaller and less obvious to others, but your worth is not diminished.  The church needs your weakness as much as you need its strength.

5 Practical Tips For Struggling Hearts

Even the most resilient church members have bad days. Some days our hearts feel so fragile that we can’t bear the thought of rubbing up against the opinions of others. Three godly women advised me of what I might do in my circumstance. Here are their suggestions:

  1. Instead of going into all the details of your life, ask people to pray for you in specific things. For example, “Please pray that I could find contentment this week. I’m struggling to wait on God’s timing.” Or whatever is relevant to your circumstances. God works through the prayers of his people and most are happy to pray for you if you ask.
  2. Don’t take responsibility for making others feel okay about your circumstances. People in the church will grieve with you when you grieve. It’s okay. You don’t have to comfort them on your behalf.
  3. If you are having a particularly bad day, avoid small talk. Retreat to a quieter corner and have one or two slower, more focused conversations.
  4. Try not to be hard on people if they are insensitive. They may be feeling guilty that they haven’t asked you about your troubles for a long time, not knowing that you just hashed through it with five other people and you are weary.
  5. It’s okay to divert the conversation. A vague answer followed by a question can put the attention on someone else. And sometimes the best thing we can do is get out of our own head and encourage another person. Because perhaps you—in your messy, unstable life—will speak into someone else’s life the exact insight that they need to hear. God’s strength is made perfect in weakness and sometimes Christ’s power works through us when we feel our most inadequate (2 Cor. 12.9).

This advice has helped me to be part of church life even on days when I’m struggling. In my experience, the times that I wanted to fellowship the least I often benefited the most or had a surprising opportunity to speak into someone’s life. What God is teaching me in my struggles is often the exact thing that someone else needs to hear.

But it is also important to admit our limitations. Pride makes us hate to admit neediness of any kind, but the truth is, we need each other and ultimately, we need Christ. And sometimes our weakness offers the perfect vantage point to encourage those around us in the Lord.

An earlier version of this article was published at CBMW, Why the Church Needs Struggling Members.

unsplash-logoSam Moqadam