My Instagram feed is filled with people posting their “ten-year challenge” photos. I like comparing the photos as much as the next person. While most of this comparison may be an exercise in vanity, there is something inspiring about seeing someone who looks better than they did a decade ago. You can imagine the effort and self-discipline it took for them to make progress in their health and wellbeing.
When I look in the mirror, I’m aware that I won’t win any 10-year challenge. The lines around my eyes are deeper and my body is weaker. But to be honest, it doesn’t bother me much. Looking back on the last decade, the deepest, most ubiquitous emotion I feel is thankfulness to God for all He has done for me.
I recently Kondo’d my closet, clearing clutter and reviving treasures that haven’t seen the light of day in years. I found an old journal from nearly a decade past. For days, I couldn’t bear to open it. The raw, vulnerable words of my angsty twenty-something self didn’t beckon me to read.
But this morning curiosity got the better of me. Who was I then? What’s changed in a decade? Turns out I’m the same person. And also not the same.
I still have my greatest hope in Jesus Christ and his redeeming work for me. I still struggle at times to “put off” my old self and “be renewed in the spirit of [my] mind”(Ephes. 4:22-24). My biggest disappointment was that I still struggle with anxiety. But by God’s grace a few things have changed.
First, I have tasted suffering and felt more resistance to my faith, and yet God has held me fast through it all. When anxiety rushes in–and it still does–I’ve got something solid to grab onto so that I’m not pulled away in its current. I’ve got another decade’s worth of love, trust and relationship with God, and because of this shared history, my sanity returns quicker and truth resonates deeper. This decade has taught me to move forward in faith despite the fear that wants to cripple me.
Second, I’m gentler with myself. This is a tricky one because I don’t mean to imply that I’m gentle with my sin. I still hold to John Owen’s oft-quoted mantra: “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” Romans 8:13 makes it clear that we must put sin to death by the power of the Spirit, but sinful impulses don’t die in the blink of an eye. It takes a lifetime of resistance. And yet my twenty-something self held punishingly high standards for perfection in this life. Thank God that He is pleased with our best efforts, however imperfect (e.g. 1 Tim. 2:3, 1 Thess. 2:4), and he doesn’t require perfection before He can use us!
I see this John Newton quote cycle through social media every so often. Each time I see it, my scrolling finger is forced to stop because Newton’s words resonate so deeply. They express a healthy understanding of how both sin and grace inform Christian identity.
I am not what I ought to be,
I am not what I want to be,
I am not what I hope to be in another world;
but still I am not what I once used to be,
and by the grace of God I am what I am.
For those of us who feel our “ten-year challenge” photos aren’t up to Instagram standards, all is not lost. If we have grown in godly character, the deeper lines on our face are not something to mourn. We are a decade closer to who we ought to be and want to be. By God’s grace I am what I am and His grace is enough (1 Cor. 15:10, Rom. 8:1).
